I had no idea that I would be stepping so far out of my comfort zone--
And surprisingly, I have been in tears the last 4 days filled with feelings of inadequacy as I try to build what I perceive a beautiful practice.
The initial webinar
In all my years, I confess, I've not meditated--
The initial webinar was calming to me and Robert Gass' kind voice was encouraging
I just knew this was for me-- especially when his message included:
For those of us to want to make a difference in the world and in our own lives, now more than ever we need to be grounded in love.
To refuse to be ruled by fear, but to meet life and its challenges with heart.
With courage.
To live and act understanding that we are interdependent.
To feel more connected to our hearts, whatever the circumstances.
Yes, I am in the right place.
And then in the email this and I wondered--
We may feel things that are scary or uncomfortable. Our past experiences may have taught us protect our heart. The journey of opening our heart is different for each of us.
I have realized in these past 4 days that I have protected my heart. When I was asked to remember someone I love, I burst into tears thinking on my Gus. When I tried each day to
Breathing light and love in. Breathing light out.
Breathing love in. Breathing love out.
Imagine that you are an instrument of love.
Whatever else you do today...
Be an instrument of love.
and I would not feel myself breathing out love around a human or a event, then I feel I've failed, that I'm not the person I thought I was.
And today, when I was more than deeply disappointed in an interaction I surely was not an instrument of love. Why am I so unhinged by all of this? Why am I so fearful? Why do I feel ashamed that my heart is closed? Why do I feel so very vulnerable?
Today, we were asked to write about love
Write about love.
Words of love to whomever/whatever it is that you love.
A love poem to a partner or chosen family member...
Your child.
Your pet.
Words of love to a teacher, mentor, or special friend.
A love poem to the sky, the trees, the river or the earth.
Words of love to life...
Write about love.
You might try using the prompt, again and again..
Love is...
Love is...
Love is...
Love is respectful
Love is kind
Love is beautiful
Love is affirming
And I hate that for some reason, I am in a really bad space right now-- might that be my heart breaking open?
